If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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