so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
