Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
