walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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