Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
