i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sober January is a disaster.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
