when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
