kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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