i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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