Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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