Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
