He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
