She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
