i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
