Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
