Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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