Can Purell be used as lube?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
