When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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