rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
