Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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