but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
