i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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