Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wear drunk well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
