OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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