Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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