we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she looked like the before picture.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
