She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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