Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
