Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
