Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
