I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
