Tell her she can't have a vagina
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
