There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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