Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
