so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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