I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
