I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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