Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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