put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
