they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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