Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
