Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fuck appropriateness.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
