you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
