He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Bring me that man meat
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
