literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
