i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
