hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
