I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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