when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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