Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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